Staying Focused
I was heading to work from an early morning appointment and I was stopped at a light waiting to turn left. Out of the right corner of my eye I saw this lady coming down the sidewalk in a motorized wheel chair. She had three dogs with her and one of them looked to be a “guide” dog. She was very observant of her surroundings and looked at every detail in the intersection. As I observed this lady, I also watched the intersection as if I was her crossing guard. But what could I really do from inside my car. I sat there and wondered what happened to this lady? It appeared that she was possibly in an accident at some point in her life. Her right arm was amputated and her left leg had little to no muscle. I had so much compassion for this lady but I didn’t understand why. Well, I kind of knew why. I am sure that Jesus was sad for whatever happened to this lady and so was I. No, this isn’t a story about feeling sorry for this lady in a wheelchair.
You see, that morning when I woke up, I was optimistic. Even if my thoughts are not positive, I make every effort to not base how I feel to determine my day. Having full confidence that when I rolled out of bed that morning that things would be different. Maybe today I will not be in pain when I wake up. Maybe today my leg will operate correctly. Maybe today my muscles will not spasm. But the reality was, that day was going to be an effort just like it has been for the past year. But that is okay. God woke me up this morning. I am still breathing. And I am free to do anything He sets before me on this day.
Little did I know that I would see this lady at the light. Is God trying to show me that I need to be grateful for what I have, even if I am physically not like I used to be? The light turned green. I proceeded to turn as I observed that the lady was making her way down the sidewalk. I couldn’t stop thinking, “I wonder, what is her story?” I immediately became very emotional. Shedding some huge tears as I felt compassion for her situation but repentant for my complaints.
Maybe I am wrong to think of my desires as complaints but honestly, as much as I am grateful for what God has done and I still desire to see additional healing just so I can do some things I enjoyed before MS. Yes, there are many times that I complain about my body not operating properly and I often miss the days when I can freely participate in activities without getting fatigued. It bothers me the most when I can’t do what my niece and nephews want me to do and when I can’t do the activities that the kiddos I see weekly want me to play, sit on the floor, or some other physical activity.
To help keep me focused, I have taken my prayers and desires a step further and created a vision board. After listening to multiple speakers and preachers, I can now see the value in writing these things on a posterboard and posting it where I see it every day. Habakkuk 2:2-3 says this, “2 And the Lord answered me:
Write the vision;
make it plain on tablets,
so he may run who reads it.
3 For still the vision awaits its appointed time;
it hastens to the end—it will not lie.
If it seems slow, wait for it;
it will surely come; it will not delay.”
This past year has definately not been what I expected. Althought many things have improved I still have many physical struggles. My doctors are a little puzzled but they are moving forward with additional testing to hopefully find some answers. I still continue to pray for continued improvement.
