Not My Plans, But His
I read my Bible but I also believe that God speaks to me through Music. In the Bible we find that music is very powerful. It amazes me how certain songs and lyrics can change your mood or even your thoughts. I am very careful about what songs I play. I used to be a country music fan with a little pop mixed in here and there. When I started following Jesus, I quickly started to realize that the songs that I was listening to were completely opposite of God’s promises and direction for my life. I destroyed my music collection and any new music I purchased to listened too where from Christian Artists. I don’t say this to condemn the music you listen too. I am just saying that I am REALLY into songs and words in a song can instantly change my mood and way of thinking. So, for me I had to go to extremes. I still listen to an old tune here and there but if it changes me or my thoughts, I turn it off.
When I was at the beginning of my journey to stop my disease (MS) our worship leader and his wife (Tim Blake) at the church I currently attend (Hickory Grove) introduced me to a couple of songs because they sang them at church and the lyrics pierced my soul. Battle Belongs by Phil Wickham and Remember by Katie and Bryan Torwait (even though I now prefer the Building 429 version) became the songs that continued to give me hope that God had a plan that was bigger than my brain could comprehend. Today, I no longer have active MS. My new immune system is almost 2 years old and it has been working very well. The unfortunate side is that the disease already did a lot of damage to my body but I see small improvements almost daily when I take a moment, stop, and really assess my current state of health. I am very grateful and continue to pray for direction and healing. God is good, no matter what.
What I have come to realize is that since 2016, I am have so wrapped up in dealing with the decline of my health and doing as God directed that everything else (including friends and family) took a back seat to my priorities. Thankfully God is bringing all of that back. I recently took a vacation and spent a week with my brother, my sister-in-love, niece, and nephew in Florida. I didn’t realize how much I needed that trip. It gave me the time I needed to connect and also disconnect from my job. Once again, I am grateful.
I have been back a week and God is showing me so many things. The one thing he keeps bringing back to me is my work-life. I do a pretty good job keeping work out of my personal life even though it does occasionally interfere. I am very hard on myself. I try so hard to do what is best for the customers that I am specifically responsible and what is best for the company. You can read more about my job history in this blog but for those that don’t know, when I had to return to a regular corporate job, I specifically had a list of “needs” that I prayed almost daily. Even though I did not deserve it, God answered everything on that list and provided a couple of bonus items that I didn’t realize I was going to need. I pray that the company continues to be successful. Even though there can be some rough moments/situations, I continue to focus on the fact that God answered that prayer and people are still people so every day is not going to be sunshine and roses.
Lately, I have been in a mode where I feel like I am failing in some parts of my job. My employer keeps telling me that he loves how I manage the relationships with the customers and that he wishes that I could teach that to everyone else that works there. But I found that I am only good at teaching adults that are willing to learn. When I worked with people at my previous job, they were easy to teach because their success meant that they would continue to have a job. I did not want them to fail so the people that I was responsible for were good listeners which ultimately made them successful employees. The company I work for now, doesn’t really have this issue. You see, learning how to drive a bus is different than dispatching service calls. If you are not safe, can’t work with children and don’t pass the tests, you can’t drive a bus. It doesn’t really work like that in the service industry. There are no tests or certifications. What is important is how you serve the customer. I owe everything I know about providing excellent customer service from my employment at a large financial firm over 20 years ago. I absorbed 100% of everything they taught me and I continued to use that information when I was a school secretary, when I was in the classroom, and when I drove a bus. I use that same methodology in the service industry.
I have been seeking answers on how to move forward because there are some days, that I am just ready to “throw in the towel”. It is hard when you feel like you are failing a customer and you have a team that does not really see you as a person that can help you be successful. Today I was reading my devotional and James 4:15 was the key verse. It says, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” I have been trying to come up with a plan, but God is showing me that I just need to let it go. He is going to have to change some hearts before anything can change.
He has also provided answers to my feeling of defeat. I have recently found a new artist, RICHLIN, that sings some powerful words. There is a song called King on the inside and it says this…
That we are sons and daughters
That we are more than paupers
Free from the voices of the scoffer
Therefore the time has come
We stand as champions
There's a king on the inside
Pull back your shoulders
Walk a little bolder
There's a force that you can't hide
Shake all the doubt now
You're called to stand out
Greater is He
In you and me
Than every insecure lie
It's time for you to rise and shine
There's a king on the inside
I am done listening to the lies. I will choose to let God change hearts. I will continue to do what I do best… serve people and pour into those that have a heart that want to hear about our Savior. I will follow His plans, not mine.
In Him.
Until next post… Make it a great day!
